How many times have you looked at a couple and thought WOW HOW IN THE NAME OF HELL DID THAT HAPPEN? He/She is a stunner and their beau is well….a little less than stunning shall we say? It is one of those social niceties that we never say this kind of thing out loud but let’s be honest we all think it. This is cast-iron proof we all think in terms of leagues/ratings and we all judge people on their looks to some degree. I think people who say they ‘only go on personality’ are pretty much liars, in my actual experience it is usually insanely pretty women who say it in a desperate bid to appear much less shallow than they actually are. Looks matter – if you don’t want to sleep with someone then you have a friend for life, not a life partner. Incidentally,
However, these leagues can become a mental prison. Your assessment of who is out of your league depends entirely on a) how you perceive yourself and b) how you perceive the other person with the relationship between the two being inverted; ie, they are as perfect as you are flawed. Notice how your league position never seems to change if you think like this. You are always Torquay United, rattling around the bowels of the Football League, and they are always Chelsea, the top (or nearly top) of the top. This is a huge point about dating leagues; they exist in your head. People who think this way almost always do so because they have a poor self-image and this not only leads them to wildly underestimate themselves but to overestimate their dream mate. We all have a dream partner or picture of the ideal in our head. Often, however, that dream reflects aspirations less to do with others or those we want to spend time with but more with regard to our own character. I am awful for this – I am a sucker for a pretty face and a commonly acknowledged good looking women. However, I have no confidence in how I look, I would only rate myself looks wise as average but ask me about say my intelligence, well then you would get a different result, I would rate myself a lot higher and have a good self-image.
Leagues are not just about looks; they apply to personality traits too. From intelligence to ‘moral purity’ people rank themselves in all sorts of different ways. Cross-over exists however, I will find women who are borderline narcissists when it comes to how they look appealing not because I share their confidence in how I look – if anything I constantly dress down and appear shabby in my own one-man protest against a materialistic world on purpose pretty much – but it reflects my intellectual self-confidence and assertiveness.
So, can anyone date anyone? In theory, the answer has to be yes. However, the bad news is that theory only exist in your head too. In practice, back in the real world, the answer has to be no. However, this has nothing to do with the existence of ‘leagues’ and everything to do with individuality and the complexity of human interactions. Not everybody is your type and you will never be everybody’s type. Accepting that is a crucial step to ‘promotion’. If you do then you are less likely to take rejection as a reflection of the other person viewing you negatively. It simply may be the case that after they have checked you out they have decided what you have to offer simply isn’t for them. ‘Punching your weight’ is a good idea but not in the way you would necessarily think. Falsified confidence is off-putting and easily spills over into arrogance. Confidence is something that is carried naturally and doesn’t need to be pushed on people. Be yourself. This doesn’t mean spill your guts out on a first date. Of course, you are going to want to ‘sell yourself’; however, remember that if you undersell yourself then you will lose the hook and if you oversell you are going to come off as arrogant and phoney. Above all, don’t mentally straightjacket yourself; she/he may look ‘out of your league’ but you never know, maybe they are ‘the one’ who is going to lift you high above it all.