CRYING COADY’S WORLD CUP REPORT: England fans celebrate a win against a third world country

Edited by Crying Kealan Coady

ENGLAND fans are celebrating a fantastic win against a second world country ranked 21st in the world. Not that this fact takes anything away from a spectacular victory over the barely functioning nation.

Southgate was counting himself lucky, and even said in interview that he would’ve been happy with a draw, which is understandable considering that its their first win in the opening game of a major tournament in 12 years.

England had stones though, defender John Stones, whose header was saved by Tunisian keeper Mouez Hassen before Kane smashed the back of the net from a distance of several millimetres. Then Sassi put away a fabulous penalty after a blatant Kyle Walker elbow. If he had missed it then heads would’ve rolled, and this is Tunisia we’re talking about, so the head-rolling could very well have been literal. 

Crying boy Hassen then left the pitch appearing as if his treasured Lego tower had been knocked over, giving England a completely unfair and unjust advantage over the superior Tunisian side. 

It looked as if a draw was on the cards but Kane came forth (as England may very well do in their group) and scored the winner in the last few minutes to give England all 3 points. 

Let’s see how Southgate’s side fair against the accomplished drug-running nation of Panama on Sunday. I just hope Panama’s goalie doesn’t get hurt in the first half as Hassen did. At least then we’ll have an honest game.

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